the PRESSURE of doing NOTHING

It's a strange world isn't it? When we have a bundle of things to do, we can't wait to take a moment's respite to just catch our breath and be contemplative for a few minutes. Yet, when we it gets too contemplative and still, we can't take the boredom and itch for something to do. Doing nothing is considered unproductive, a waste of time, a waste of money. Every nanosecond of a minute has to be occupied because of that big word that looms ahead of each of us-USEFULNESS.
Yet, I know of many learned and respected people who took time and spent it in contemplation. They weren't the worse off for it; on the contrary, they lived a longer and more fulfilled life. Maybe we hurry because we don't want to think of the crossroads we would need to face, or the dilemmas we would need to encounter....so hurry and let's bury all that- ESCAPISM
We need to sit down, reflect and regroup. The three Rs of life:

• REST
• REFLECT
• REGROUP
• RECUPERATE

We need to do the first three before we can get to stage four. Don't be in a hurry to get from one to four in a flash. Don't be sucked into the pressure of doing something when nothing is perfectly suitable.

SELAH

S*I*C*K

Bugs....not the creepy crawly ones, but the ones that get into your system and wreck havoc with your insides and your head. How we detest the bugs! There are so many strains of them.... your 'garden variety' , your 'exotic' and your down right 'rare' strains. These days, its challenging for medical personnel to decipher and understand the different strains that keep multiplying and mutating at speeds we can't detect. MBBS isn't enough...MDs don't mean a thing....if we can't get a swing on how to stop them. But can we? We can't stop people from getting sick; isolation doesn't help...eradication doesn't seem to be plausible.

We have to learn to manage it.

Being 'sick' emotionally is similar. We were made to be relational. We can't change our inherent DNA directives. We can learn how to be relational as well as how not to. The 'bugs' of the mind are harder to treat, but the 'bugs' of the heart can be dealt with with tender loving concern....notice i didn't use care in that cliche because care isn't seen as a good word these days. Care is seen as manupilative. Sad isn't it? The value of care is priceless and healing and understanding begins at its doorstep.

Step right up and please, leave your masks at the door!

SELAH

FEncES

I was watching a rerun of an old TV series whilst nursing a bad cough and cold in bed. It was called Picket Fences and it was created by one of my favorite producers, David E Kelley. What I like about Picket Fences is how the situation in one household becomes the fodder of conversation in the community, and how that in turn affects the situation in that same household. Well, there have been many spin offs of such 'dramedies' most prominently of course being Desperate Housewives.
Fences are erected to keep villians away, to keep the flock together. Fences should be respected and not tested. Yet, what happens on the Hollywood set of the shows mirrors what happens in our lives as well. We love to test the boundaries set, be it a young child with his parents, a school student with their teacher, the citizen with the state...it's interesting to see to see it being enacted. Why? Because, it is something inherent within human nature to want to see if we can get more than what we bargained for. We don't like to be boxed in by rules, by dictums by regulations. We love freedom and we expect it. Yet freedom has got its own fences,hasn't it? Remove that, and we have pandemonium, chaos. Would that be what we would want to see?
God forbid!

SELAH

SONflowers

I know its Mothers Day and many people are taking their mums out for lunch or dinner or just giving them a well needed break. Favorite gifts for mom? Chocolates (dark of course-can't afford the fat!), cards and flowers. How can we not forget the flowers? Flowers brighten up any mom's day, and for that matter any one's day. Roses perhaps? They are expensive so mom knows that she's worth a lot in petals; Petunia's? 'Chrysanthemums'? Daisies? Orchids stay fresh longer in the tropical heat. May I suggest a single stalk of the glorious sunflower. Just one stalk please because:

• mom is outstanding
• mom brilliantly shines at multi-tasking
• mom is constantly moving as long as there is sunshine, just like the sun flower that follows the sun's movement through the course of the day
• mom watches over the movement of those whom she loves-her family

Take a break moms....today is your day to be admired, appreciated and loved. Your lingering presence is our greatest gift......

Happy Mother's Day

SELAH

The WEAK, the FAINT & the WORRIED

This week I learnt of a good man of the cloth whom I had admired had passed away after a long bout of illness. Week after week, he would faithfully serve His God in the church, smiling and reassuring the weak, the faint and the worried.

The weak, the faint and the worried.

Doesn't that sound like you and me? Aren't we weakened by our internal condemnations? Aren't we afraid to be found weak in the eyes of many? Aren't we worried that we won't survive this rat race we are in?

Yet, this nice sweet man of God reassured us that we could, because he had. He became a living proof of how his God had sustained him, how his God had carried him through the rough times, how his God had calmed many a worrisome storm. How we need to find people like that in our lives today, people who can stand alongside us and say, I am here with you, don't fret, it's not over yet!

I miss you Canon Lomax.... thanks for being God's angel while on earth...now rest in His peace

SELAH

UGLY........?

Desperate Housewives. Prison Break. Ugly Betty. What do they have in common?

1. They are American dramas
2. They have become American exports that dominate television viewing globally
3. They have raked in millions of dollars for the TV networks
4. They deal with the human journey

But what do these shows mean to you? Many would consider them exciting and stimulating to the senses, a rush of blood to the head or a heart warming glow in the heart. What they have in common is the unearthing of the human experience, of course done Hollywood style. Yet, there is some element of truth in its portrayal. It may be a little overexxagerated, it may be a little melancholic, but it still highlights a prevalent truth-we have skeletons that we cannot ignore in our cupboards. Try as we might to hide them, they surface and they may embarass us, or defile us. Facing up to these skeletons is a challenge, especially in today's society that is so quick to judge. People like to make a spectacle out of other people's misfortunes, not necessarily Hollywood style (but Hollywood is a good teacher). Facing these skeletons is something we should learn to do; it's all part of understanding that the journey we undertake requires hard, honest reflection that shouldn't weigh us down, but liberate us to move further.

Time to switch off the TV set and opened the closets?

SELAH

reNEWal

The buzz today in corporate circles and political circles is renewal. We need to find the next generation of enterprenuers, the next set of political leaders. It's a timely buzz, and it shouldn't just start and end there. It should permeate into every strata of society, of life. We need renewal in our marriages, in our friendships, in our perceptions about life. Renewals keep us on our toes, helps us assess where we are on the path we have taken. Renewals also help us keep the dreams alive, and not get so bogged down with the details. Indeed, the details feed the dream, but the renewal, the revisiting of these dreams infuse new life, new hope. Hope...that's a word we need so much to not just hear but see as well.

Think of your life right now.

• What needs renewal?
• Is there an idea that has been left salted on the shelf and needs revisiting?
• Is there a relationship that you are enduring rather than enjoying?
• Is there a challenge that you are not facing because you lack the confidence?
• Is time more of a killer rather than a creative spark?

It's time to think and do renewal!

SELAH

ReCoVeRy

It sad to see a friend or colleague endure pain or hardship. Sometimes we don't know how to respond to the issue at hand. Should we be sympathetic? Or should we pretend by suppressing the issue and get the person to move on beyond circumstances. On the one hand, it may seem too bothersome to get stuck with emotional baggages-there is however a place for emotions, for grieving, for venting. However, if we allow that to control our outcomes, then we lose control of ourselves. Pretending isn't a good solution; the 'ghosts' have this habit of reappearing, in stronger images and with stronger attachments. We need to learn to manage pain or hardship....ultimately we aim for recovery. We want to learn from this incident, the issues at hand and move to the next level. We need to deal with the emotions as is and then use it as stepping stones, not milstones! Recovery is being there to provide support, not to agree but to be a strong arm, have a caring heart, even if it a moment of unexpected silences.

SELAH

AppREciATioN

Rewards. We all love to be rewarded don't we? The recognition we get, the applause received, the handshakes all around help instill a sense of value within us. We feel good about ourselves. The Bible does tell us that it is more blessed to give then to receive. It's a powerful principle that we can apply in our lives-and we don't even have to be followers of the faith.
Imagine:

• how blessed your child will be when you show appreciation for them as your children?
• how blessed your colleagues will be when you say a simple 'thank you' for effort put in?
• how blessed your aged parents would be when you hug them to show affirmation that they have done well in bringing you up?

Recently there was this tremendous 'free hugs' campaign that caught on across the globe. Some might say it's a trivial attempt at self-appreciation-but really what the world needs now is appreciation, real appreciation. It shouldn't be for the dramatic. It shouldn't be for the staged. It should be for the person who learns to value another fellow human being.

SELAH

ReNt The FaBRiC

Just flip open the morning papers or switch on the radio and you will find more than one article or news story on how an employee was badly treated or a possible lawsuit being served for discrimination of some sort. Racial. Age. Gender. Religion. Attitude. ATTITUDE? Yes, that's where it all starts doesn't it? The way we see ourselves and judge others by our standards of 'excellence'. What gives us the right to do that? Our sense of superiority? Our sense of achievement? Our sense of justice? We have to rememeber that this world is everyone's playing field. "we're all players" that's what Shakespeare said. We need to learn to work cohesively, learning to appreciate each other's gifts and strengths. We need to apply ourselves as a whole to this world we live in. We need to all act responsible and not play judge. We need to apprehend all caustic attitudes and actions before they destroy a delicate fabric that is already frayed at the ends.

SELAH

FRoM ThE OuTSiDE

It's hard being an outsider; not really being involved yet being present. Sometimes people misinterpret your reactions as negative and condensending. Not that you don't want to help or be involved, but you just don' know how to. I know many care givers, counselors, nurses and doctors who can identify with this. I most certainly can because it happens with my dad. He's getting older and frail, he had a bad fall and he just isn't the same. It hurts me to see him hurt. I try to put my counselor spectacles on, but I can't ignore my emotions too. I can't rationalize how I feel all the time. Sometimes, I feel helpless, not knowing how to make his life comfortable. It's not easy making others feel comfortable. You have to hold back your uneasiness or fears and disappointments and not show too much. It's trying, it's frustrating, and sometimes you just want to throw your hands up in despair.

Yet, what keeps me going as a care giver is my belief that the smallest iota of help, goes a long way. Just being with my father can be the best comfort I can give. We must never have unrealistic expectations-that's not being cruel in any way. We must come down to the level of the person in need and ask, "what can I do to make the person's life more comfortable?"

To all care givers, never think that you're not caring enough. Care is such an overused word, where many expect it to come in leaps and bounds. Don't compare care-just give from the bottom of your heart! Your simple smile, your warm hug, your gentle stroke of the hand goes a long way. Well done people!! Keep that care coming......

SELAH

F****

I was travelling in a taxi recently and the driver, a rather matured driver, had this tendency to end his sentences with the F-word. I'm quite used to hearing it being said these days, especially when expletives like f**** are commonplace and accepted as part of the vernacular. I remember when I was in University, and I was studying modern literature plays in my third year as an undergraduate. My professor was a gentle, sweet lady, who had this twinkle in her eyes when she started to delve into the literary world. We would all sit and listen, spellbounded by how she made characters, plots and situations come alive off the pages of books. As we were ploughing through different genres, it soon happened. Modern literary plays reflect the society they were written about and there it was-the F-word. And we were to say it as we read the play aloud? But professor didn't blink an eyelid when she read the parts of the play, putting emotion into each word, including the F-word. How did she do it? She saw it in its context and read it in its context. She was a professional.
But does that condone the way we pepper our speeches today with expletives? Again, it reflects the society we live in- a society that is stressed, frustrated, challenged and fed-up. We need to change our expletives into something more encouraging, more uplifting.
SELAH

InFLuENCe

Did you know that teens today are more influenced by celebrities than by anything else? So if Britney wants to get frivolous and start drink binging, that's considered 'cool' (?) Or if Nelly gets promiscous and makes a nice tidy sum on the side from the song, that's 'glamorous'? It's frightening to know that what is seen through the lens of the media or the pages of the tabloid is considered 'bible' material to many teens. We adults need to really do some introspection and ask ourselves these vital questions:

Question 1: Who am I closest too and how have I influenced them?

Question 2: Has my influence been positive or negative?

Question 3: Has my influence caused them mature emotionally, socially?

We are helping shape tomorrows leaders. We need to take our influences seriously.

SELAH

GREET things

Sawasdi! A clasp of the hands and the warmth of a smile....the greetings you receive in Thailand are well known, but it's something we can learn from. Saluations sometimes seem a waste of time, especially when you know the person and the person knows you. Yet, a saluation given by the Thais or the Indians or any culture is something we need to import into our culture. That's exactly where it starts from-culture. If we have become a culture that values only output, rather than input, we're missing a lot. So, let's learn to GREET!

G = Give unconditionally
When we say "hi!" or "hello!" we shouldn't expect anything back in return. We give because we want to bless the other person, because we want to make the other feel special.

R = Relate fully
Don't just extend the hand, or give a faint smile; give it all you have got! make the person feel the warmth that comes from within in that handshake.

E = Extend hospitality
We can choose to just be salutory, or we can really make our welcome cozy like coming back to our own homes.

E = Engage eye contact
The eyes are the windows of the soul. We need to let the greeted know that they are not just passerbys but important individuals who share this journey with us

T = Touch the heart
Need I say more?

SELAH

FLooDs that DrEnCh

It is tragic what the people of Malaysia are going through with the rising flood waters, swirling into their homes and businesses, destroying precious artifacts, mementos, important documents and expensive equipment. I can imagine the anguish, the frustration that many of the people of Malaysia are experiencing. How do we deal with situations like this? How do we deal with the flood of stresses we find piling upon us sometimes? We can't say "I know how you feel"-we don't! We're not in their situation, but we can provide action instead of just mere words of comfort or encouragement. What people need in a time of crisis is a ready solace, a safe refuge where they can gather their thoughts and plan the next course of action. We can share essential supplies with them, knowing that some semblance of normality helps them gain a foothold in the soft mud beneath. All this done with a smile, of care of compassion can bring a rainbow amidst the dark clouds of pessimism that enshrouds them.

The 3 S approach- provide a SOLACE, SHARE your time and your space and SMILE with care and compassion will certainly help bring a ray of sunshine on a flood drenched day.

SELAH

HoPe FlOaTs

Rain, more rain! We never seem to get enough of it in Singapore! Strange people we are.....when there isn't enough of it, we complain-when there is too much of it we continue to complain. Is it our nature to look for points of complaints? I don't think we were programmed to be that way. I believe that when God gave us a brain and the ability to articulate speech, we were given the choice to complain or be thankful. Quite often we choose to complain because:

• it is an accepted response
• it is a common response
• it is a response that allows us to seek the majority and stay within safety

Let us make a switch to thankfulness. Why? because:

• it is a response that ushers in a blessing
• it is a response that makes people see our boldness to make a stand
• it is a response that gets those within the safety of many, thinking

What is your choice?

SELAH

BuZz Words

New Year is always filled with buzz words.....word that we latch on to, words that set the course for a new year, words that give us a sense of purpose in the new year. Here are some buzz words we should seriously consider not just for the year ahead but the years to come:

• TOLERATE- to learn how to accept differences and live amidst diversity.
• PATIENCE- in such a hurried society, we need to really learn to slow down
• REFLECT- how we need to do introspection rather than inspection of each other's faults
• CONTENTMENT- in this age of greed, we need to remember that there are many who are satisfied with simple needs and wants
• LOVE- we need to move away from loving images to loving people

SELAH

pRiNCipLes of aCCouNt

I'm definitely not a mathematically inclined person. I used to really hate math when I was in school, failing in my tests and exams. People kept telling me that math was an important subject, that I couldn't survive or be successful without it. I now know that was to scare me into doing well, but it did the reverse! Well, I still have problems with math, but I have learnt certain principles connected with it.

• Math requires you to know the proper steps. Similarly, we need to learn to take the proper steps in the direction we are heading. I used to try solving math from the solution backwards!! I didn't get far for sure!
• You need to know your formulae. Life is all about what it takes to make it happen. We need to know the right balances, the right equations to get the answers.
• Maths is always about practice. Life is a practice run itself. We try, we fail, we try again. We learn from our mistakes and don't do them again.
• Maths is all about persistance. We need to keep trying, and we'll soon get it.

SELAH

The SOUL of the Matter

I read with interest about the decline in the number of sex tourists visiting the island of Batam in the newspapers. It took a change in the Penal Code to bring about a change in the mindset of the people. A change that had a stiffer penalty-instilling a fear that caused a reaction. Isn't that how modern society operates? We don't see change as relevant, or morals as relevant UNLESS a penalty is imposed. It is sad isn't? When will we realize that values are not dependent on the extent of freedom given? Values are instristic and they form the DNA of our very belief system. We should not wait for a higher authority to exert force before we change. If our value system is morally right, then our conscience would alert us to the value judgement of our actions. As parents and adults, it is our responsibility to teach, to instruct the young in knowing and weighing the value systems adopted. We should be a sounding board; a mirror that reflects.

SELAH

FRuiTS FroM tHe TreE

I love walking down the supermarket aisle and see the fresh variety of fruits available. In a world of concrete, it's my way of getting in touch with nature! It's amazing at the variety of fruits available. Different shapes, sizes, colors-a real smogasbord. Aren't communities like that? A smogasbord of different personalities and traits.

Unfortunately we may feel dejected when the more popular 'fruits' get picked and we get left on the shelf. Yet we shouldn't. We shouldn't look at popularity as an indication of goodness. We get so caught up with the fruit, that we forget that without the tree providing sustenance, we wouldn't be the fruits that we are! We derive our value from the tree of our origin. The values that are inculcated in us, infused in our lives from what we have learnt from our culture, our parents. We are all uniquely special. We carry that wherever we go and we shouldn't be afraid to allow that to exhibit itself and testify that we came from different trees.

SELAH