upgrade?

okok...i just had to...get a new handphone. My current model wasn't chic enough..i felt jealous that others were more engrossed in their iPhone's or that they could laugh and giggle with their piece of metal in their hand. I had to make more of my life....iPhone sounds tantalising...all those apps and the things we could do....but i know this techno phobic counselor that I am wouldn't use the equipment to its best. I would be the laughing stock on the MRT or on the bus....such a trendy phone but a lost user....lost loser? I couldn't take the humiliation....too much for my heart...sooooooo

i just upgraded...simple upgrade...but I feel i belong again...Why? becos it's a new toy...a new experience...

isn't life funny....????????

T-shirts

Do you wear t-shirts? Cool aren't they? Do people comment on your t-shirt designs, or what your t shirt says? Quite often we wear t shirts to say something out loud, to express ourselves subtedly. Have you heard the expression, "wear your heart on your sleeve?" Imagine if your t- shirt could speak from your heart-what would it say? What is more important-your intention or your actions? Wearing what is on your sleeve might seem clever but it doesn't necessarily speak sincerely...what we say has to match with what we do...the talk and walk metaphor

Wear integrity....wear respect.......wear tolerance......wear love.....and walk the talk!

Space is SACRED

an open space....it's sacred these days. I was past the park the other day and i noticed this interesting incident- a group of graffiti sidewalk designers were getting edgy with another group of footballers who had their gear stacked up against a wall that they wanted to decorate. I decided to watch what would happen; the graffitti guys were just hanging around, but you could tell they were getting agitated by their impatience. The footballers just were oblivious with what was happening, and were entrenched in their game. I think what was running through the mind of the graffiti guys was, "if we move their stuff, they wouldn't notice, right?" Space is sacred these days. We defend what we take rightfully as ours....as the world gets more crowded, we get paranoid that we wouldn't have any space for ourselves.

Space doesn't necessarily need to define us-we should define the space we're in!

selah

Face the book or be twittered!

Have you got an account on Twitter? Have you opened up your soul on Facebook? Everybody's into twitter and facebooking(it's even become part of our language) When I read Animal Farm in my teens, I was terrified about 'Big Brother' following me....developing an Orwellian type of society was terrifying....but come to think of it, computers were cumbersome and not so readily available then; internet was military classified. How things have changed! here we live in a virtual world where connections of the fibre optics kind is essential.....Question I ask is......where is the heart in all of this? It is fun to have facebook and fun but laborious to be followed on twitter, but where does it really lead us to? Invasion of privacy or information overload? Where are the boundaries? Wait a minute....are there any boundaries any more? Technology is great to have in terms of efficiency and speed and time, but where is the heart in all of this...?

It is easy to blame the media, but we make our own choices when we have the options given to us. We choose to invite people into facebook; we choose to decide on what is twittered. Strange how the tables are now subtly turned around so that we need to exercise control....or not....

Maybe that is where the heart is.....it's in the conscience of our decisions....

SELAH

MJ

Signature moves; a lifestyle documented by the paparazzi; a need for companionship and acceptance;a need for normalcy-that was the life of MJ, the King of Pop. The press is going to enjoy what happens now....I wonder if Martin Bashir will revisit Neverneverland...but he might not be allowed in....I remember MJ as a talented Afro-American teen, in his album "Off the Wall"...I heard Billy Jean and I knew we had a winner on our hands...then I heard Man in the Mirror....that song would be the song of today's generation...a generation looking for their true self but clouded in this fog of materialism and consumerism...it was a song that asked the question...Who is the real me? A song every counselor ought to put into his iPOD.

Who was the real MJ? A frightened little boy, put on the stage at an early age by his father and with his brothers made history...but MJ had a dream...he pursued it with reckless abandon...he developed his own style, his own moves...he became an icon.

MJ we will miss ur individuality....your uniqueness....YOU

Life

You decided
You chose
I inhaled
Life
This heart
Your blood
Life
This mouth
these words
Life
These hands
These feet
Your path
Eternity
Life

44

44 years of age....that's how old i am on the 20th of June...old, young, matured...how best to see it? Age.....it's a sensitive topic, a well worn conversation piece and a trajectile that can be used as a double edged sword. Why women cant reveal their age (when physical manifestations show otherwise), why children at a certain age are considered cute and cuddly, why grand pa and grand ma in their tottering years feel discarded and left on the shelf, we really haven't been able to understand. One thing we know, the numbers increase-maybe that is the best way to view age? As the numbers grow bigger, it depicts the value of our lives....our values as individuals increase, our sense of worth becomes more appreciated.

Age to me is really a marker. A marker, not a tombstone, not a millstone. A marker. Birthdays are brief pitstops under these markers, giving us an opportunity to reflect and see how far we have come, how much we have grown and in a humble attitude, acknowledge how much more time has been graciously given to us to discover more about ourselves and those around us-how we can improve the quality of our life and the lives of those around us...

SELAH

Pat Riley, a well known name in the basketball fraternity, having rubbed shoulders with the LA Lakers, the Miami Heat as a coach and later became a sought after motivational speaker once said that

Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better

I love what he said about excellence; the fact that he views it as a gradual result of striving. That word, 'gradual' can get some people off their seat in protest. "We don't have space or time to be gradual anymore!" is what I can hear them shouting from the rooftops. Think about it: we live in a instant mechanised society, where instant demand has to be corelated to instant supply or we just lag behind. Yet, Pat Riley, an experienced coach can expound on the need to be gradual and bring his teams from nought to well-sought, shouldn't we sit up and take notice of what gradual means?

Mind you, there isn't anything wrong with excellence. We all want to be good at what we do. That's being responsible with the time and talents we possess. Yet, there is a need to understand the path to excellence-its a gradual path upwards, learning from mistakes, learning to overcome challenges, before reaching the top. I liken it to be enjoying the journey and focussing on that journey rather than being obsessed with the destination. We'll get there some day, but we need to focus on the journey, the gradual progression towards excellence.

How are you 'striving' ? Keep at it even if your not on top...yet. Remember, it's gradual.

SELAH

As a counselor I see many young men and women walk into my office and share a piece of their heart with me in total confidentiality. When I first started, I found it stressful to maintain this responsibility, but as I gained experience, it sort of grew on me. I always tell my clients that their secrets will always go to the grave with me. We live in a world where the lure of secrecy is tantalising; what is hidden seems enticing and fodder for gossip and speculation. The obvious isn't really 'news' anymore; it's the deepest darkest secrets that make us celebrities. It's the same in the world of entertainment, where shows that allude to secret pasts, or secrets hidden that can do most damage prove to be ratings winners. Yet, in a world where private space has become more public, we need to also reinstate the notion that private spaces should be sacred spaces as well. Secrecy doesn't mean we are selfish or snobbish; it could very well mean that we are respectful of a person's private sacred space. Let us learn to respect each other's space-not to violate that trust and make other people's lives our entertainment at their expense. if we want to live harmoniously in this world, this concept is fundamental.

SELAH

When was the last the time you took a chance on change? Since President Obama was elected, that has been the buzz in America...the need to embrace change. It was definitely his ticket to winning the Presidential elections, but the idea of change is what will get us further in our lives as well. But not everyone embraces change wholeheartedly....some see change as a risk move that exposes them;some see change as a window of fresh opportunities. Some may argue the old adage, 'if it ain't broke why fix it?' perspective. Yet change is worth embracing....if we continue with the adage, 'if it ain't broke why fix it?' point of view, we would still be using wooden frames for wheels, kerosene to keep our refrigerators working, oil to keep our lamps burning! But change allows us to explore new territories, to be vunerable yet open to doing better than what was done before....

I know change might make us feel uncomfortable, but its worth examining....like President Obama advocates.....lets embrace it....

By the way, it's spring!

SELAH

My show is better than any TV show....

I was watching TV and I realised that Reality TV has descended below the 5th grade....defintely the biggest loser in my books....and to kill the imagery.....i'm not lost survivor when it comes to Reality TV....especially this latest one, "MY DAD IS BETTER THAN YOUR DAD!!" show.

It's a show that really lacks substance; in today's world of teenagers, where many teens don't even have a father to compare with others, this shows lacks research. To me, it's just eating up television hours and feeding a competitive spirit. Nothing wrong about competition, but not dad vs dad on prime time! What's next...."my mum cooks better than your mum?" or the Singapore version, "my maid cleans better than your maid!" When will it stop?

In reality, there is a real 'show' going on in the 'real' world....where one teen is pitched against another....one culture is pitched against another, one religion is pitched against another...and so it goes on...

Is it healthy? NO. Is it beneficial? NO. Is it going to make the world a better place? NO.

When will we stop?

SELAH

As you know i am a counselor who counsels teens; i just did a radio interview with a local news radio station and was asked this question, "should parents themselves be involved in the counseling process?" by the interviewer. I thought it was an excellent question to ask but nonetheless a disturbing question to ponder as well. When a parent is involved in a counseling scenario, is the parent:

a) eager to stand side-by-side with the child and understand the journey they are taking?

b) quick to set up diversion signs and get the child 'on the right path'?

c) get as much information about the child and use it as ammunition in future confrontations?

I really hope parents would choose choice (a). We need to have more parents who want to understand the cultural, emotional and psychological landscape their children have been planted in. I'm not advocating that parents be experts; indeed no one is an expert. We need parents who make time to understand their children....understand and know their child. Time.....now that's where the difficulty arises. Making time for their children....

May I suggest a few simple steps you can take to 'make time' for your child?

• cook his/her favourite meal and have it ready som that both of you can have time together


• get him/her to book a ticket to a good movie of their choice, watch and be curious


• play computer games together....dad and mum can be 'kwel' (cool) too!


• Get involved in their homework...not to check but to encourage them along


• praise them, affirm them, praise them!

SELAH

Imagine....half a day without your cell phone....too much? How about 45 minutes without your cell phone? Barely able to make it? It's amazing how we cling to our gizmos for dear life, so that we stay connected....in a non-confrontaional way, in a less emotional way. We can't do without our cell phone, but we can put off taking that important step to say 'hello' to someone next door, or down the street, or even in the cubicle next to you in your office. I heard of a story where the boss of this large MNC communicated his notes and activities for the day and week to his secretary via email.....nothing unusual about that except he was not even a 3 minute walk away from her desk in the same room!

The art of communicating has become faceless, emotionless and purely functional. We need to restore communication to its former glory; when we could connect deep not necessarily wide. We need to connect from the heart to the heart again...rely less on the medium and concentrate more on the message and its impact for all

Email me and let me know what you think ok?

SELAH

There is this fascinating movie called 'Doubt' that is currently been shown in our local cinemas. I was drawn to the movie because of three things: the fabulous Ms Meryl Streep(she brings the midas touch to any movie she stars in), the topic of abuse, especially in a religious setting and the title itself.

It's a fascinating movie, that centers on a very pressing question: can mankind be trusted, especially in positions of power and authority?

It's a question many are asking, be it in religious circles or political arenas. Whom can we trust? Betrayal, deceit, scandals are common topics we read about in the newspapers of the world, or watch unfolding on television screens in our living rooms. Self-preservation amidst the need to remain relevant, significant drives people to do dangerous things.

Can we be trusted? Can you be trusted?

It is a diffcult question to answer. Trust evolves from building a firm relationship. if there isn't trust, then that relationship doesn't exist. Are we loners in a race, or are we members of the relay team, with the responsibility of handing the baton to the next firmly etched in our minds, and carried firmly in our hands?

I can learn to trust you, but you must learn to also trust me.

SELAH?

operation optimism

I just went for an operation....in all my life, I've never been professionally cut open by a surgeon...i guess there is always a first! That was 2 weeks ago; and it was certainly an unforgettable experience, for good things. I mean, a hundred and one things could have gone wrong as they cut through to do corrective surgery...but I was looking forward to recovery and coming out alive. We can focus on all the possible permutations when it comes to problems, but i choose to be more optimistically inclined..i look at all the positive outcomes and begin to visualise them in my mind. I got through this operation because i

1. chose to stay optimistic and focus on the inherrent good
2. had a suportive family and network of friends who i knew i could count on
3. had a belief system, knowing that God was taking care of me throughout it all
4. had competent doctors who knew what they were doing

SELAH

sTeP FoRWarD

NEW year.....

Happy New year everyone who reads my blog....thanks for peeking in and reading my thoughts and views...means alot to me...

NEW year....

to many it's down with the old calander hanging on the wall, collecting the dust for a year, and up with a new set of dates and months to look forward too...

Look forward too? For some, (and it's growing to be a larger crowd of people), there isn't anything to look forward too...yesterday's headlines still are today's news...but think about it this way, YESTERDAY has progressed on to TODAY...

that's a step forward...

New Year's Day always reminds me of stepping FORWA RD....anticipating change, anticipating hope, anticipating new beginnings...

So here's to a NEW step FORWARD!

SELAH

Small STEPS to success

You have heard of the expression, "a leap of faith" before. It alludes to taking a risk when you don't know what is ahead of you; sounds like 2008 is ending on such a metaphor. The economic gloom, the social unrest, the political uncertainity is very much requiring many to take leaps of various kinds. Some take leaps of occlusion to disappear, some take leaps of abandonment, to disregard what they are facing. Some take leaps of disillusionment, to mask their present state. Leaps can be dangerous; we miss, we fall, but then again that is why its called a leap of FAITH. I suggest we take a small step instead, cautious as it may seem, it is a confidence building step that I am suggesting. small steps, like a baby learning to stwalk for the first time, or a patient after a hip operation or major surgery. Small steps aren't done alone; there is support, people around us to hold on to us as we take those initial steps. Nothing embarassing-you never know, your step could be an inspiration for another person to take their own first step....

But it all requires FAITH. A belief that you can do it, that it isn't impossible...

GO ON!

SELAH

GLOBAL vision

When I woke up this morning, it was drizzling, it looked dreary. It is a holiday in Singapore and such weather is a great excuse to stay in bed, curl up with a good book, or watch TV or DVDs that have been begging you to watch them! As I hesistantly crawled out of bed, I looked at the weather report on this really cool global satellite called Global TV that shows you weather in different parts of the world, real time. Here I was, in near the equator, and it was drizzling outside and there in other parts of the world it was picture perfect weather.

It set me thinking...

We can get so consumed by the environment around us, because we don't strive to look for bigger pictures. We don't need better spectacles, or more highly powered lenses to see it-it's there! Here I was constricted in my vision, but I forgot that the sun still shines somewhere else. It's just passing weather; soon, I'll get to see the sun as well...that's a big picture perspective...we need to see it where darkness looms-soon light will shine again! It may not happen as soon as we want, but we need to look forward to it, we need to work towards it, to pray until it happens. We need to anticipate it....now!

So go get global vision today!

SELAH

wHAT IS tHE poINT?

Mumbai- carnage, mayhem, terror, outrage.
Thailand-factions, split loyalties, frustrations, action.
North Korea-disillusionment, barbaric, elusive, manupilative
Europe-dark ages, despair, hopelessness, anger
America-panic, hurt, sorrow, divided
YOU- lost, disillusioned, disheartened, pain, panic
ME- reflecting your point of view-but what is the point?
WE NEED A RAINBOW,
WE NEED A SPRIG OF OLIVE,
WE NEED A SAVIOR,
WE NEED HOPE
WE NEED IT NOW

SELAH

Change for the .......?

Is he the new prophet....or the new messianic figure to come riding on a white horse into the White House? Seems to be....Barack Obama is the latest name craze all across the USA and even on distant shores. I'm not going to be political here, but I am going to be candid about his philosophy. It's a philosophy that has become a mantra of hope..the hope is in the operative 'YOU CAN' and the hope rest in that powerful word, 'CHANGE'. It's a word that excites some and causes others to tremble. We are seeing both sides of it even now as I type...the winds of political change breezing in to a chilly storm of economic change that is causing fear and panic among many middle class citizens worldwide.

CHANGE- its a dangerous two edged sword.

We need to understand that change is inevitable- we will evolve emotionally, psychologically, academically but what really counts is in what direction that change is taking us. In Obama's case, change comes from a different angle of approach. Where do we put the emphasis on? Who do we prioritise? Who benefits most from this change?

That is the rhetoric that I enjoy- looking at the benefits and working to change direction to achieve that. Change in the positive, change as a verb of optimism.

Yet change can maim. It can hurt, especially when we don't have grounded VALUES attached to it. That's the essence of change...it's built on values...

So here's the formulae:

the values you ascribe to will determine the direction you take and result in the outcome we call CHANGE.