ReCoVeRy

It sad to see a friend or colleague endure pain or hardship. Sometimes we don't know how to respond to the issue at hand. Should we be sympathetic? Or should we pretend by suppressing the issue and get the person to move on beyond circumstances. On the one hand, it may seem too bothersome to get stuck with emotional baggages-there is however a place for emotions, for grieving, for venting. However, if we allow that to control our outcomes, then we lose control of ourselves. Pretending isn't a good solution; the 'ghosts' have this habit of reappearing, in stronger images and with stronger attachments. We need to learn to manage pain or hardship....ultimately we aim for recovery. We want to learn from this incident, the issues at hand and move to the next level. We need to deal with the emotions as is and then use it as stepping stones, not milstones! Recovery is being there to provide support, not to agree but to be a strong arm, have a caring heart, even if it a moment of unexpected silences.

SELAH

AppREciATioN

Rewards. We all love to be rewarded don't we? The recognition we get, the applause received, the handshakes all around help instill a sense of value within us. We feel good about ourselves. The Bible does tell us that it is more blessed to give then to receive. It's a powerful principle that we can apply in our lives-and we don't even have to be followers of the faith.
Imagine:

• how blessed your child will be when you show appreciation for them as your children?
• how blessed your colleagues will be when you say a simple 'thank you' for effort put in?
• how blessed your aged parents would be when you hug them to show affirmation that they have done well in bringing you up?

Recently there was this tremendous 'free hugs' campaign that caught on across the globe. Some might say it's a trivial attempt at self-appreciation-but really what the world needs now is appreciation, real appreciation. It shouldn't be for the dramatic. It shouldn't be for the staged. It should be for the person who learns to value another fellow human being.

SELAH

ReNt The FaBRiC

Just flip open the morning papers or switch on the radio and you will find more than one article or news story on how an employee was badly treated or a possible lawsuit being served for discrimination of some sort. Racial. Age. Gender. Religion. Attitude. ATTITUDE? Yes, that's where it all starts doesn't it? The way we see ourselves and judge others by our standards of 'excellence'. What gives us the right to do that? Our sense of superiority? Our sense of achievement? Our sense of justice? We have to rememeber that this world is everyone's playing field. "we're all players" that's what Shakespeare said. We need to learn to work cohesively, learning to appreciate each other's gifts and strengths. We need to apply ourselves as a whole to this world we live in. We need to all act responsible and not play judge. We need to apprehend all caustic attitudes and actions before they destroy a delicate fabric that is already frayed at the ends.

SELAH

FRoM ThE OuTSiDE

It's hard being an outsider; not really being involved yet being present. Sometimes people misinterpret your reactions as negative and condensending. Not that you don't want to help or be involved, but you just don' know how to. I know many care givers, counselors, nurses and doctors who can identify with this. I most certainly can because it happens with my dad. He's getting older and frail, he had a bad fall and he just isn't the same. It hurts me to see him hurt. I try to put my counselor spectacles on, but I can't ignore my emotions too. I can't rationalize how I feel all the time. Sometimes, I feel helpless, not knowing how to make his life comfortable. It's not easy making others feel comfortable. You have to hold back your uneasiness or fears and disappointments and not show too much. It's trying, it's frustrating, and sometimes you just want to throw your hands up in despair.

Yet, what keeps me going as a care giver is my belief that the smallest iota of help, goes a long way. Just being with my father can be the best comfort I can give. We must never have unrealistic expectations-that's not being cruel in any way. We must come down to the level of the person in need and ask, "what can I do to make the person's life more comfortable?"

To all care givers, never think that you're not caring enough. Care is such an overused word, where many expect it to come in leaps and bounds. Don't compare care-just give from the bottom of your heart! Your simple smile, your warm hug, your gentle stroke of the hand goes a long way. Well done people!! Keep that care coming......

SELAH

F****

I was travelling in a taxi recently and the driver, a rather matured driver, had this tendency to end his sentences with the F-word. I'm quite used to hearing it being said these days, especially when expletives like f**** are commonplace and accepted as part of the vernacular. I remember when I was in University, and I was studying modern literature plays in my third year as an undergraduate. My professor was a gentle, sweet lady, who had this twinkle in her eyes when she started to delve into the literary world. We would all sit and listen, spellbounded by how she made characters, plots and situations come alive off the pages of books. As we were ploughing through different genres, it soon happened. Modern literary plays reflect the society they were written about and there it was-the F-word. And we were to say it as we read the play aloud? But professor didn't blink an eyelid when she read the parts of the play, putting emotion into each word, including the F-word. How did she do it? She saw it in its context and read it in its context. She was a professional.
But does that condone the way we pepper our speeches today with expletives? Again, it reflects the society we live in- a society that is stressed, frustrated, challenged and fed-up. We need to change our expletives into something more encouraging, more uplifting.
SELAH

InFLuENCe

Did you know that teens today are more influenced by celebrities than by anything else? So if Britney wants to get frivolous and start drink binging, that's considered 'cool' (?) Or if Nelly gets promiscous and makes a nice tidy sum on the side from the song, that's 'glamorous'? It's frightening to know that what is seen through the lens of the media or the pages of the tabloid is considered 'bible' material to many teens. We adults need to really do some introspection and ask ourselves these vital questions:

Question 1: Who am I closest too and how have I influenced them?

Question 2: Has my influence been positive or negative?

Question 3: Has my influence caused them mature emotionally, socially?

We are helping shape tomorrows leaders. We need to take our influences seriously.

SELAH

GREET things

Sawasdi! A clasp of the hands and the warmth of a smile....the greetings you receive in Thailand are well known, but it's something we can learn from. Saluations sometimes seem a waste of time, especially when you know the person and the person knows you. Yet, a saluation given by the Thais or the Indians or any culture is something we need to import into our culture. That's exactly where it starts from-culture. If we have become a culture that values only output, rather than input, we're missing a lot. So, let's learn to GREET!

G = Give unconditionally
When we say "hi!" or "hello!" we shouldn't expect anything back in return. We give because we want to bless the other person, because we want to make the other feel special.

R = Relate fully
Don't just extend the hand, or give a faint smile; give it all you have got! make the person feel the warmth that comes from within in that handshake.

E = Extend hospitality
We can choose to just be salutory, or we can really make our welcome cozy like coming back to our own homes.

E = Engage eye contact
The eyes are the windows of the soul. We need to let the greeted know that they are not just passerbys but important individuals who share this journey with us

T = Touch the heart
Need I say more?

SELAH

FLooDs that DrEnCh

It is tragic what the people of Malaysia are going through with the rising flood waters, swirling into their homes and businesses, destroying precious artifacts, mementos, important documents and expensive equipment. I can imagine the anguish, the frustration that many of the people of Malaysia are experiencing. How do we deal with situations like this? How do we deal with the flood of stresses we find piling upon us sometimes? We can't say "I know how you feel"-we don't! We're not in their situation, but we can provide action instead of just mere words of comfort or encouragement. What people need in a time of crisis is a ready solace, a safe refuge where they can gather their thoughts and plan the next course of action. We can share essential supplies with them, knowing that some semblance of normality helps them gain a foothold in the soft mud beneath. All this done with a smile, of care of compassion can bring a rainbow amidst the dark clouds of pessimism that enshrouds them.

The 3 S approach- provide a SOLACE, SHARE your time and your space and SMILE with care and compassion will certainly help bring a ray of sunshine on a flood drenched day.

SELAH

HoPe FlOaTs

Rain, more rain! We never seem to get enough of it in Singapore! Strange people we are.....when there isn't enough of it, we complain-when there is too much of it we continue to complain. Is it our nature to look for points of complaints? I don't think we were programmed to be that way. I believe that when God gave us a brain and the ability to articulate speech, we were given the choice to complain or be thankful. Quite often we choose to complain because:

• it is an accepted response
• it is a common response
• it is a response that allows us to seek the majority and stay within safety

Let us make a switch to thankfulness. Why? because:

• it is a response that ushers in a blessing
• it is a response that makes people see our boldness to make a stand
• it is a response that gets those within the safety of many, thinking

What is your choice?

SELAH

BuZz Words

New Year is always filled with buzz words.....word that we latch on to, words that set the course for a new year, words that give us a sense of purpose in the new year. Here are some buzz words we should seriously consider not just for the year ahead but the years to come:

• TOLERATE- to learn how to accept differences and live amidst diversity.
• PATIENCE- in such a hurried society, we need to really learn to slow down
• REFLECT- how we need to do introspection rather than inspection of each other's faults
• CONTENTMENT- in this age of greed, we need to remember that there are many who are satisfied with simple needs and wants
• LOVE- we need to move away from loving images to loving people

SELAH

pRiNCipLes of aCCouNt

I'm definitely not a mathematically inclined person. I used to really hate math when I was in school, failing in my tests and exams. People kept telling me that math was an important subject, that I couldn't survive or be successful without it. I now know that was to scare me into doing well, but it did the reverse! Well, I still have problems with math, but I have learnt certain principles connected with it.

• Math requires you to know the proper steps. Similarly, we need to learn to take the proper steps in the direction we are heading. I used to try solving math from the solution backwards!! I didn't get far for sure!
• You need to know your formulae. Life is all about what it takes to make it happen. We need to know the right balances, the right equations to get the answers.
• Maths is always about practice. Life is a practice run itself. We try, we fail, we try again. We learn from our mistakes and don't do them again.
• Maths is all about persistance. We need to keep trying, and we'll soon get it.

SELAH

The SOUL of the Matter

I read with interest about the decline in the number of sex tourists visiting the island of Batam in the newspapers. It took a change in the Penal Code to bring about a change in the mindset of the people. A change that had a stiffer penalty-instilling a fear that caused a reaction. Isn't that how modern society operates? We don't see change as relevant, or morals as relevant UNLESS a penalty is imposed. It is sad isn't? When will we realize that values are not dependent on the extent of freedom given? Values are instristic and they form the DNA of our very belief system. We should not wait for a higher authority to exert force before we change. If our value system is morally right, then our conscience would alert us to the value judgement of our actions. As parents and adults, it is our responsibility to teach, to instruct the young in knowing and weighing the value systems adopted. We should be a sounding board; a mirror that reflects.

SELAH

FRuiTS FroM tHe TreE

I love walking down the supermarket aisle and see the fresh variety of fruits available. In a world of concrete, it's my way of getting in touch with nature! It's amazing at the variety of fruits available. Different shapes, sizes, colors-a real smogasbord. Aren't communities like that? A smogasbord of different personalities and traits.

Unfortunately we may feel dejected when the more popular 'fruits' get picked and we get left on the shelf. Yet we shouldn't. We shouldn't look at popularity as an indication of goodness. We get so caught up with the fruit, that we forget that without the tree providing sustenance, we wouldn't be the fruits that we are! We derive our value from the tree of our origin. The values that are inculcated in us, infused in our lives from what we have learnt from our culture, our parents. We are all uniquely special. We carry that wherever we go and we shouldn't be afraid to allow that to exhibit itself and testify that we came from different trees.

SELAH

SiMpLe

Simple-does that word sound too complicated for you? In today's world, how do we keep it simple? Well, electronic wizardry has supposedly made life simple-has it? Even relationships have taken on a compilcated perspective. So has our work scope, with multi tasking as a buzz. Does being simple in today's society means aloofness? Naiviety? Being silly? or wisdom?
I think its a beautiful risk to be simple. The key to simplicity is contentment. Living within your means and enjoying it. Don't compare yourself wth your neighbours; don't covet what they have-don't be jealous but be contented with the blessing you have. Simple as it may be, it is a blessing. Be thankful, that you have something when compared to others who have nothing.
SELAH

CrAcKs.....

Have you seen the movie, World Trade Center? It's a movie that took a lot of risks to do, considering the sentiments surrounding the terrorists attacks on civillians. What intrigued me about the movie was its sensitive portrayal of how everyday people came together across racial and religious lines to help and support each other. Simplifying the story doesn't do justice to the movie so it's best to view it if you haven't already. What is memorable to me about the movie is an episode where two firemen are trapped under rubble andin the midst of the smoke, the dust and debris, a tiny light filters through. Tiny as it might be, it is warm, it is reassuring, it gives hope. Life is like that isn't it? We have disturbing news, events around us; everything seems to be shrouded in gloom......yet all we need to seek is a crack of light....that is all we need for hope to come alive.......
Cracks aren't that bad after all, aren't they?
SELAH

OOOO...BeHaVe!!

I enjoyed watching the Austin Powers movies. Silly as they were, they were enjoyable to watch because Austin Powers never really behaved as a typical 'secret agent'. He wasn't the suave James Bond, or the macho Tom Cruise in the MI series. He was uncouth, enjoyed sexual puns and innuendos (well Mr Bond was a ladies man as well), a person you would least expect as a spy. Wait a minute! Doesn't that qualify him as the best candidate for the job? He doesn't fit the projected profile; it would be so easy for him to break into different circles and infilitrate and get darkest secrets. Why? Because he is so unconventional. We all have different perception of roles and responsibilities that go with them. Fitting the bill is a dilemma for many. But in the case of Austin Powers, he was someone who got the job done albeit unconventionally. Getting the job done, using our God-given talents and gifts. We should be looking for such people in job searches. Knowledge isn't the only important criteria. Passion for the job, passion to see it accomplished is just as important.
SELAH

SiN ChOw

Language.....we human beings have such a beautiful opportunity and advantage don't we? We have been given this gift- the ability to articulate a question, the ability to demand justice, the soft tender persuasion to speak peace into a troubled soul. Language.....we are so accustomed to signs, symbols and abbreviations in this hi-tech age that whizzes by that we can easily forget the ability to communicate...with words. Words can sting, or they can bring healing and hope. We must be good stewards of the language skills we have. I was in Vietnam recently and I had the opportunity to show my competency in learning basic phrases like sin chow (hello) or come ern (thank you). It created a bridge that opened up humanity and allowed us to touch. Isn't that what we should aspire to do?
SELAH

WhAT DiD i Do?

That's the question many people ask me when I see them as a counselor, "What did I do?" Quite often that question isn't a question that explores denial, but highlights misunderstanding. It's a misunderstanding of how they feel leading to inappropriate action. It's not something the client would want to do intentionally, but it's a slip up that leads the client to face the consequences. It's a good question; it allows the client to explore where he/she is at. Yet, it's also a plea to the accuser, or the counselor to allow GRACE to flow. GRACE. That word we seldom hear, or seldom practice in a world where it's increasingly becoming 'retribution orientated'. As a people helper, I can administer grace by allowing some breathing space for the client to find himself/herself. I can apply grace by looking at other options to seek restitution....rather than violence, or hatred or racism.

GRACE.

How we need more of it now!

SELAH

LovE mE

There she was looking in the mirror; a little petite girl, with long dark hair, a face that had a story of pain and despair etched on it. She was looking at her reflection and she was asking a question we all ask ourselves, "Who's going to love me for being me?" In today's society we have conditions set on love-either be pretty, or be brawny, or be intellectual, or be charming or be.......YOU? When will start accepting others for who they are? When will we look beyond the externals and look at their very being? To that girl looking in the mirror, my response would be, "Hey, I accept you for you.....I don't want you to be anyone else.....be real....be you.....thank you".
SELAH

sPaCe

Do you know what the biggest contention in today's world is? If you said money....some would agree, but i think not. Peace? Well that's a strong contender...but i think not. Happiness? many would want that..but i think not either? Relationships? it may be true to a certain extent, but i think not...The biggest contention in today's world is SPACE. The room to grow, to develop, to stake a place for identities to grow. We all crave for space- a space to be still, a space for contemplation, a space of refuge. SPACE. Let's try to give each other space. Space for opinion, space for exceptance, space for identity. When we learn to respect each other's space, then we would find peace, happiness and our relationships will prosper. Money wouldn't be our focus, because we would be having so much fun enjoying our humanity and appreciating our differences....
SELAH