As a counselor I see many young men and women walk into my office and share a piece of their heart with me in total confidentiality. When I first started, I found it stressful to maintain this responsibility, but as I gained experience, it sort of grew on me. I always tell my clients that their secrets will always go to the grave with me. We live in a world where the lure of secrecy is tantalising; what is hidden seems enticing and fodder for gossip and speculation. The obvious isn't really 'news' anymore; it's the deepest darkest secrets that make us celebrities. It's the same in the world of entertainment, where shows that allude to secret pasts, or secrets hidden that can do most damage prove to be ratings winners. Yet, in a world where private space has become more public, we need to also reinstate the notion that private spaces should be sacred spaces as well. Secrecy doesn't mean we are selfish or snobbish; it could very well mean that we are respectful of a person's private sacred space. Let us learn to respect each other's space-not to violate that trust and make other people's lives our entertainment at their expense. if we want to live harmoniously in this world, this concept is fundamental.

SELAH

When was the last the time you took a chance on change? Since President Obama was elected, that has been the buzz in America...the need to embrace change. It was definitely his ticket to winning the Presidential elections, but the idea of change is what will get us further in our lives as well. But not everyone embraces change wholeheartedly....some see change as a risk move that exposes them;some see change as a window of fresh opportunities. Some may argue the old adage, 'if it ain't broke why fix it?' perspective. Yet change is worth embracing....if we continue with the adage, 'if it ain't broke why fix it?' point of view, we would still be using wooden frames for wheels, kerosene to keep our refrigerators working, oil to keep our lamps burning! But change allows us to explore new territories, to be vunerable yet open to doing better than what was done before....

I know change might make us feel uncomfortable, but its worth examining....like President Obama advocates.....lets embrace it....

By the way, it's spring!

SELAH

My show is better than any TV show....

I was watching TV and I realised that Reality TV has descended below the 5th grade....defintely the biggest loser in my books....and to kill the imagery.....i'm not lost survivor when it comes to Reality TV....especially this latest one, "MY DAD IS BETTER THAN YOUR DAD!!" show.

It's a show that really lacks substance; in today's world of teenagers, where many teens don't even have a father to compare with others, this shows lacks research. To me, it's just eating up television hours and feeding a competitive spirit. Nothing wrong about competition, but not dad vs dad on prime time! What's next...."my mum cooks better than your mum?" or the Singapore version, "my maid cleans better than your maid!" When will it stop?

In reality, there is a real 'show' going on in the 'real' world....where one teen is pitched against another....one culture is pitched against another, one religion is pitched against another...and so it goes on...

Is it healthy? NO. Is it beneficial? NO. Is it going to make the world a better place? NO.

When will we stop?

SELAH

As you know i am a counselor who counsels teens; i just did a radio interview with a local news radio station and was asked this question, "should parents themselves be involved in the counseling process?" by the interviewer. I thought it was an excellent question to ask but nonetheless a disturbing question to ponder as well. When a parent is involved in a counseling scenario, is the parent:

a) eager to stand side-by-side with the child and understand the journey they are taking?

b) quick to set up diversion signs and get the child 'on the right path'?

c) get as much information about the child and use it as ammunition in future confrontations?

I really hope parents would choose choice (a). We need to have more parents who want to understand the cultural, emotional and psychological landscape their children have been planted in. I'm not advocating that parents be experts; indeed no one is an expert. We need parents who make time to understand their children....understand and know their child. Time.....now that's where the difficulty arises. Making time for their children....

May I suggest a few simple steps you can take to 'make time' for your child?

• cook his/her favourite meal and have it ready som that both of you can have time together


• get him/her to book a ticket to a good movie of their choice, watch and be curious


• play computer games together....dad and mum can be 'kwel' (cool) too!


• Get involved in their homework...not to check but to encourage them along


• praise them, affirm them, praise them!

SELAH