As a counselor I see many young men and women walk into my office and share a piece of their heart with me in total confidentiality. When I first started, I found it stressful to maintain this responsibility, but as I gained experience, it sort of grew on me. I always tell my clients that their secrets will always go to the grave with me. We live in a world where the lure of secrecy is tantalising; what is hidden seems enticing and fodder for gossip and speculation. The obvious isn't really 'news' anymore; it's the deepest darkest secrets that make us celebrities. It's the same in the world of entertainment, where shows that allude to secret pasts, or secrets hidden that can do most damage prove to be ratings winners. Yet, in a world where private space has become more public, we need to also reinstate the notion that private spaces should be sacred spaces as well. Secrecy doesn't mean we are selfish or snobbish; it could very well mean that we are respectful of a person's private sacred space. Let us learn to respect each other's space-not to violate that trust and make other people's lives our entertainment at their expense. if we want to live harmoniously in this world, this concept is fundamental.

SELAH

When was the last the time you took a chance on change? Since President Obama was elected, that has been the buzz in America...the need to embrace change. It was definitely his ticket to winning the Presidential elections, but the idea of change is what will get us further in our lives as well. But not everyone embraces change wholeheartedly....some see change as a risk move that exposes them;some see change as a window of fresh opportunities. Some may argue the old adage, 'if it ain't broke why fix it?' perspective. Yet change is worth embracing....if we continue with the adage, 'if it ain't broke why fix it?' point of view, we would still be using wooden frames for wheels, kerosene to keep our refrigerators working, oil to keep our lamps burning! But change allows us to explore new territories, to be vunerable yet open to doing better than what was done before....

I know change might make us feel uncomfortable, but its worth examining....like President Obama advocates.....lets embrace it....

By the way, it's spring!

SELAH

My show is better than any TV show....

I was watching TV and I realised that Reality TV has descended below the 5th grade....defintely the biggest loser in my books....and to kill the imagery.....i'm not lost survivor when it comes to Reality TV....especially this latest one, "MY DAD IS BETTER THAN YOUR DAD!!" show.

It's a show that really lacks substance; in today's world of teenagers, where many teens don't even have a father to compare with others, this shows lacks research. To me, it's just eating up television hours and feeding a competitive spirit. Nothing wrong about competition, but not dad vs dad on prime time! What's next...."my mum cooks better than your mum?" or the Singapore version, "my maid cleans better than your maid!" When will it stop?

In reality, there is a real 'show' going on in the 'real' world....where one teen is pitched against another....one culture is pitched against another, one religion is pitched against another...and so it goes on...

Is it healthy? NO. Is it beneficial? NO. Is it going to make the world a better place? NO.

When will we stop?

SELAH

As you know i am a counselor who counsels teens; i just did a radio interview with a local news radio station and was asked this question, "should parents themselves be involved in the counseling process?" by the interviewer. I thought it was an excellent question to ask but nonetheless a disturbing question to ponder as well. When a parent is involved in a counseling scenario, is the parent:

a) eager to stand side-by-side with the child and understand the journey they are taking?

b) quick to set up diversion signs and get the child 'on the right path'?

c) get as much information about the child and use it as ammunition in future confrontations?

I really hope parents would choose choice (a). We need to have more parents who want to understand the cultural, emotional and psychological landscape their children have been planted in. I'm not advocating that parents be experts; indeed no one is an expert. We need parents who make time to understand their children....understand and know their child. Time.....now that's where the difficulty arises. Making time for their children....

May I suggest a few simple steps you can take to 'make time' for your child?

• cook his/her favourite meal and have it ready som that both of you can have time together


• get him/her to book a ticket to a good movie of their choice, watch and be curious


• play computer games together....dad and mum can be 'kwel' (cool) too!


• Get involved in their homework...not to check but to encourage them along


• praise them, affirm them, praise them!

SELAH

Imagine....half a day without your cell phone....too much? How about 45 minutes without your cell phone? Barely able to make it? It's amazing how we cling to our gizmos for dear life, so that we stay connected....in a non-confrontaional way, in a less emotional way. We can't do without our cell phone, but we can put off taking that important step to say 'hello' to someone next door, or down the street, or even in the cubicle next to you in your office. I heard of a story where the boss of this large MNC communicated his notes and activities for the day and week to his secretary via email.....nothing unusual about that except he was not even a 3 minute walk away from her desk in the same room!

The art of communicating has become faceless, emotionless and purely functional. We need to restore communication to its former glory; when we could connect deep not necessarily wide. We need to connect from the heart to the heart again...rely less on the medium and concentrate more on the message and its impact for all

Email me and let me know what you think ok?

SELAH

There is this fascinating movie called 'Doubt' that is currently been shown in our local cinemas. I was drawn to the movie because of three things: the fabulous Ms Meryl Streep(she brings the midas touch to any movie she stars in), the topic of abuse, especially in a religious setting and the title itself.

It's a fascinating movie, that centers on a very pressing question: can mankind be trusted, especially in positions of power and authority?

It's a question many are asking, be it in religious circles or political arenas. Whom can we trust? Betrayal, deceit, scandals are common topics we read about in the newspapers of the world, or watch unfolding on television screens in our living rooms. Self-preservation amidst the need to remain relevant, significant drives people to do dangerous things.

Can we be trusted? Can you be trusted?

It is a diffcult question to answer. Trust evolves from building a firm relationship. if there isn't trust, then that relationship doesn't exist. Are we loners in a race, or are we members of the relay team, with the responsibility of handing the baton to the next firmly etched in our minds, and carried firmly in our hands?

I can learn to trust you, but you must learn to also trust me.

SELAH?

operation optimism

I just went for an operation....in all my life, I've never been professionally cut open by a surgeon...i guess there is always a first! That was 2 weeks ago; and it was certainly an unforgettable experience, for good things. I mean, a hundred and one things could have gone wrong as they cut through to do corrective surgery...but I was looking forward to recovery and coming out alive. We can focus on all the possible permutations when it comes to problems, but i choose to be more optimistically inclined..i look at all the positive outcomes and begin to visualise them in my mind. I got through this operation because i

1. chose to stay optimistic and focus on the inherrent good
2. had a suportive family and network of friends who i knew i could count on
3. had a belief system, knowing that God was taking care of me throughout it all
4. had competent doctors who knew what they were doing

SELAH

sTeP FoRWarD

NEW year.....

Happy New year everyone who reads my blog....thanks for peeking in and reading my thoughts and views...means alot to me...

NEW year....

to many it's down with the old calander hanging on the wall, collecting the dust for a year, and up with a new set of dates and months to look forward too...

Look forward too? For some, (and it's growing to be a larger crowd of people), there isn't anything to look forward too...yesterday's headlines still are today's news...but think about it this way, YESTERDAY has progressed on to TODAY...

that's a step forward...

New Year's Day always reminds me of stepping FORWA RD....anticipating change, anticipating hope, anticipating new beginnings...

So here's to a NEW step FORWARD!

SELAH

Small STEPS to success

You have heard of the expression, "a leap of faith" before. It alludes to taking a risk when you don't know what is ahead of you; sounds like 2008 is ending on such a metaphor. The economic gloom, the social unrest, the political uncertainity is very much requiring many to take leaps of various kinds. Some take leaps of occlusion to disappear, some take leaps of abandonment, to disregard what they are facing. Some take leaps of disillusionment, to mask their present state. Leaps can be dangerous; we miss, we fall, but then again that is why its called a leap of FAITH. I suggest we take a small step instead, cautious as it may seem, it is a confidence building step that I am suggesting. small steps, like a baby learning to stwalk for the first time, or a patient after a hip operation or major surgery. Small steps aren't done alone; there is support, people around us to hold on to us as we take those initial steps. Nothing embarassing-you never know, your step could be an inspiration for another person to take their own first step....

But it all requires FAITH. A belief that you can do it, that it isn't impossible...

GO ON!

SELAH

GLOBAL vision

When I woke up this morning, it was drizzling, it looked dreary. It is a holiday in Singapore and such weather is a great excuse to stay in bed, curl up with a good book, or watch TV or DVDs that have been begging you to watch them! As I hesistantly crawled out of bed, I looked at the weather report on this really cool global satellite called Global TV that shows you weather in different parts of the world, real time. Here I was, in near the equator, and it was drizzling outside and there in other parts of the world it was picture perfect weather.

It set me thinking...

We can get so consumed by the environment around us, because we don't strive to look for bigger pictures. We don't need better spectacles, or more highly powered lenses to see it-it's there! Here I was constricted in my vision, but I forgot that the sun still shines somewhere else. It's just passing weather; soon, I'll get to see the sun as well...that's a big picture perspective...we need to see it where darkness looms-soon light will shine again! It may not happen as soon as we want, but we need to look forward to it, we need to work towards it, to pray until it happens. We need to anticipate it....now!

So go get global vision today!

SELAH

wHAT IS tHE poINT?

Mumbai- carnage, mayhem, terror, outrage.
Thailand-factions, split loyalties, frustrations, action.
North Korea-disillusionment, barbaric, elusive, manupilative
Europe-dark ages, despair, hopelessness, anger
America-panic, hurt, sorrow, divided
YOU- lost, disillusioned, disheartened, pain, panic
ME- reflecting your point of view-but what is the point?
WE NEED A RAINBOW,
WE NEED A SPRIG OF OLIVE,
WE NEED A SAVIOR,
WE NEED HOPE
WE NEED IT NOW

SELAH

Change for the .......?

Is he the new prophet....or the new messianic figure to come riding on a white horse into the White House? Seems to be....Barack Obama is the latest name craze all across the USA and even on distant shores. I'm not going to be political here, but I am going to be candid about his philosophy. It's a philosophy that has become a mantra of hope..the hope is in the operative 'YOU CAN' and the hope rest in that powerful word, 'CHANGE'. It's a word that excites some and causes others to tremble. We are seeing both sides of it even now as I type...the winds of political change breezing in to a chilly storm of economic change that is causing fear and panic among many middle class citizens worldwide.

CHANGE- its a dangerous two edged sword.

We need to understand that change is inevitable- we will evolve emotionally, psychologically, academically but what really counts is in what direction that change is taking us. In Obama's case, change comes from a different angle of approach. Where do we put the emphasis on? Who do we prioritise? Who benefits most from this change?

That is the rhetoric that I enjoy- looking at the benefits and working to change direction to achieve that. Change in the positive, change as a verb of optimism.

Yet change can maim. It can hurt, especially when we don't have grounded VALUES attached to it. That's the essence of change...it's built on values...

So here's the formulae:

the values you ascribe to will determine the direction you take and result in the outcome we call CHANGE.

Live each day....

Have you ever sat in a diner or on a window sill and gaze at the many faces that pass by? We may be drawn to interesting sights, traffic, unusual sights-but faces? Why would we want to look at faces? Because faces reflect the real story of the land. Each face is a reflection of a journey each passerby is enduring.

On my recent trip to Myanmar, I looked at the faces from my hotel room window and they were content. I saw faces of patience. I saw lines and expressions of resilence etched in their expressions.

Content? Patient? Resilent? After all that has happened in that country? it was a lesson for me- and a lesson for all who run our race with greed motivating us. In this simple land, despite the obstacles faced, people have learnt to live one day at a time. They make the most of each day, as the gods have blessed them with. Isn't that a glorious lesson for us to be with inspired with? Live each day with contentment, because we have been blessed; live each day with patience because the day has only just begun and there is more to come; live each day with resilence, because yesterday was successful and we made it through another day.

Live each day......

SELAH

I was peasantly surprised to hear a childhood jingle,

the more we get together,together,together/the more we get together/the happier we'll be/for my friends are your friends/and your friends are my friends/the more we get together/the happier we'll be

being used as a McDonald's advertisemnt to promote the fastfood chain as the food sponsors for the Olympics 2008. it's a jingle of my childhood, but its a jingle that is so relevant not just to the spirit of the Games, but to the essence of life. it was refreshing because it brought me back to the need for a childlike coexistence, as when we were little children and didn't think twice about mixing with people of different creeds, color or status, so long as they wanted to play with us. What has happened to that innocence?

It has been eroded away with prejudice, by self-centeredness, fueling hatred and judgement and condoning condemnation and bigotry. Think about it, is that the legacy we want to leave to the next generation? I pray not. What we want to teach them is acceptance of each other, of forgiveness, of universal love. So next time you hear the jingle, don't just think of a Big Mac; think of the blessings of friends and how important they are to us, and we to them.

SELAH

SMILE!

Is it that hard to stretch the corner of one's mouth?

Is it too time consuming to consider being vulnerable and letting one's guard down for a brief moment?

Is it too unrealistic to even consider being nice?

When we smile, we create a paradigm shift in thinking. A smile is an invitation, an invitation to connect, to communicate, to be human. In a world of self-centeredness, a smile is warmth in a cold care less environment. We should learn to smile more...who else best to learn from but a baby? Watch how a baby draws mum into baby's world..they can't articulate how they feel, but they can smile! That's their weapon-a smile... and hearts are softened, bonds are made and community is formed.

We have alot to learn from our babies. it's a pity that in adulthood, we add criticism, sarcasm, cynicism to the smile. We pollute it and destroy its simple and innocent purpose.

Let's put on a smile again. Smile at your neighbour, smile at your colleagues in work and for goodness sake, smile at yourself in the mirror and say, "I am special!"

Go on....SMILE!

SELAH

ZEN

We all anticipate a 'zen' moment in our lives; a moment of bliss, when the harsh reality of our world is superceded by a quiet realisation that there are pockets seclusion that we can run and hide in, away from the maddening crowd. We love weekends when we can escape to just be ourselves, don't have any responsibilities and just be free. Don't you feel like that most times?

I know I do! We need to create such pockets; even when it seems to difficult to accomplish we must try to slot in a 5 minute 'zen' moment in our lives. It's like a slotting ourselves into a recharger and getting filled up with a shot of energy to face the day ahead.

Waht can be your 'zen' moments?

• a walk in the park near your home


• playing with your pet for 5 minutes


• listening to music on your iPOD


• just getting up and having a nice glass of your favorite beverage

There are so many ways of just being revivied.

Try it today....

Zen on......

SELAH

What is it about Easter that draws thousands to enact the steps that Jesus of Nazareth 2000 after he down the way of the Cross in Jerusalem up to Golgotha? You see people weeping along the way, some people so overwhelmed that they tremble and shake, feeling the pain, feeling the anguish, feeling the hurt. When I think of Easter, from a spiritual perspective, it is a carthatic experience, because it shows a God who chooses to sacrifice himself for people who condemned him. Yet, the walk, along the Via Delorosa is very much the essence of an experience. Many Christians look at the destination, where Jesus of Nazareth was heading; undoubtedly it was important but for me what is also important is the journey, the process to the cross. it is a reminder for me that to reach a point of completion, it is important to learn the lessons along the way. I shouldn't be consumed with finding a solution but learn from the experiences along the way. As a counselor, it is important to take note of the client's experiences and not be so quick to find a solution to the problem. In taking a step back and listening to the client, the clients are given room to express themselves and share their experiences.

Life is all about the sum of the experiences along the journey undertaken. Let us begin take the experiences of others as well as our own to heart

SELAH

think about it

No pain no gain

No guts no glory

No rainbow without the rain

No forgiveness without saying sorry

Calamities that never change

Faith of the old old Story

SELAH

PERFECT baLANce

These days, I'm hearing alot of people mention the words 'juggle' and 'balance' in a single sentence. It's normally accompanied with a sigh or a pursing of the lips, a sign of the hurried existence we face today. When you think about it, the two words just don't sit together. How do you maintain a balance in life with so many expectations to juggle, so many roles to fulfil, so many results to achieve? Or do they?
The two words bring me back to the circus arena, where as children (and even as adults), we would stand in awe of those jugglers who managed to walk a tightrope, keep their balance and yet juggle with ease. How could they do it?

• Practice makes perfect. They kept at it, day after day, during their spare time, they honed their abilities. They knew that without the practice, no success.It was a focused objective, something we need to apply in today's demanding lifestyle where multi-tasking is the norm.
• Do we need to be perfect? Yet we aren't looking for perfection per say; that is what our mind perceives we should achieve. Therefore, in the quest to strive for a perfect juggle, we may lose perspective and focus and hence lose our balance.

Life isn't about perfection...it's about making the most of our limitations count!

What we need to really reflect upon is whether we have a balanced perspective on the life we lead today-or are we too ambitious and want to juggle too many things in such a short space of time?

Take time to look at what your juggling today-and don't forget to see how far the drop would be if you try too hard to please too many people and lose balance of your life..

SELAH

Getting to know yourself

How well do you know yourself?

When we read the tabloids or dive into the morning paper, we're really interested in what goes within the minds of terrorists, murderers and on the other side of the coin, scholars, movie stars, acclaimed politicians...but

.......how well do you know yourself?

How well do you know you about the way you react to situations?

How well do you know the habits you have adopted, consciously and unconsciously?

It's fun and exciting to see others being exposed, but

......how well do you know yourself?

When we get in touch with real person within us, it creates a transparency a sense of genuineness that is attractive because it is rare.

The new year could be a time to get to know the real you. It's a wonderful journey of self-discovery, far outweighing what the tabloids could write.

Let 2008 be your year of getting to know yourself.